Kill for You
by TheDrunkenWerewolf
Summary: Gin takes care of a nuisance for Aizen and kills their third seat for asking too many questions in the hopes of impressing him. The murder was planned. His reaction however was not. AiGin. Hurt/comfort with emphasis on the comfort. Mild blood and gore mentions. Heirverse but Can definitely be read as a standalone story. Collab with Timewaster123456789.


_Summary: Gin takes care of a nuisance for Aizen and kills their third seat for asking too many questions in the hopes of impressing him. The murder was planned. His reaction however was not. AiGin. Hurt/comfort with emphasis on the comfort. Mild blood and gore mentions. Can be read as a standalone story._

_A/n: Collab with Timewaster123456789. I only own the voice. (sigh) I__t's scenes like this that make Heir/Decimated hurt more. _

_Wordcount: 2705_

_Notes: unnamed character death as per canon. Gin having a breakdown. Ptsd mentions. hurt/comfort. Mild angst. Gsw's. Voice being a dick._

* * *

"Would you love me more  
If I killed someone for you?  
Would you hold my hand?  
They're the same ones that I used  
When I killed someone for you."

\- Alec Benjamin [if I killed someone for you]

**Kill for You**

Gin stood over the dead body. Certainly not his first kill but the first one he'd knowingly intended to kill - and not in self defence. He'd heard Sousuke say something about 'getting rid of him' for ages and Gin had taken the initiative. Hoping to impress Aizen and move up in his estimation, and hopefully affection, as a result.

He hadn't anticipated this though. The shaking. The nausea. The smell.

...all the blood.

Well, maybe he anticipated the blood.

Aizen smiled at him. Seemingly impressed. "Impressive." _P__articularly the way you smashed his larynx so he couldn't even scream for mercy or assistance. _"How did you find him? Our third seat?"

"Him? Ha!" Gin barked a laugh."Complete joke! Ain't worth nothin'!" He said. Grinning. Trying to laugh it off but really just trying not to throw up.  
"Is that so?" Aizen asked. Nodding. "Well. That's good to know."

Aizen walked up behind Gin. God he'd wanted to spare Gin from this, from the nihilism and blood. What the hell had Gin been thinking?

_What the hell were __**you**__ thinking is the question, _the voice inside him raged. _That was ours and you let this little whore take it!_

Aizen groaned inwardly. He was definitely going to have a migraine later. For now though, he laid an arm over Gin's shoulders under the pretence of happy camaraderie. Because really, Gin was transparent as all fuck and he could tell it was taking all of his fox's effort just to keep up the front. He was hoping it would give him some measure of comfort, because he could feel Gin shaking under his arm. But he concealed his concern for the moment. Best not to go stepping on Gin's pride.

"How do you feel?" He asked Gin.  
"Good." Gin answered quickly. "Never better."  
He wanted to shake his head at that, but refrained. _Y__ou are the worst liar. In the world__. _He wanted to say. Though he knew far better than to go saying it.

No. It was better to play along for the moment, and just make sure he was there when Gin crashed. Because from experience he knew it would happen eventually. It always did. The first kill was always the hardest. And Gin was so incredibly soft, and so not built for taking human life.

So he humoured his Gin, nodding in all the right places and making the right appreciative noises as Gin told him all about it. Nervous babbling, he knew. Gin always babbled on when he was nervous. Putting up the worst front in the world.

But he humoured Gin anyway, until the conversation died down and they walked back home in silence.

. . .

As they walked back to Aizen's house, Gin willed himself to stop shaking and wracked his brain for a way to escape. He'd talked as much bullshit as he could about what happened, but now the adrenaline was wearing off and the reality was hitting home, all he wanted to do was wash the blood off him and go to sleep. He wanted to curl up and cry, too, but he knew better than to tell Sousuke that.

He thought about going to Ran. Making up some lame excuse and talking to her. She'd be more sympathetic for sure.

He could say he wanted to drop by Ran's to return some things... Aizen wouldn't question that. But he knew if he _did _go to Ran's place, he'd fall apart. Then she'd ask the inevitable question of 'why?', and he wouldn't be able to answer her.

No, he couldn't explain this to Ran and he didn't want to lie to her. So he couldn't go there.

He glanced at Aizen walking beside him, easy and confident, hating his own weakness. He was so soft, and he thought he could stand with him as an equal?

Might as well be the moon pretending to be the sun but never really being more than a reflection of it.

So Gin just trailed alongside the older man and quietly hoped an excuse to leave would present itself. He didn't know where he might go or what he might do, but still.

He just didn't want Aizen to see him cry. Which was getting harder and harder to not do. But while Aizen was around, he knew he'd have to be strong. Or at least try his very hardest to be strong.

. . .

Aizen opened the front door and led Gin in, guiding him to the sofa to sit down. Gin was still holding onto Shinsou with a shaking hand so he gently took it off Gin and sheathed it. Gently setting the zanpaktou down on the floor. Aizen then carefully ran through the list of things he'd need to treat the shock Gin was so clearly in at this point. Gin hadn't said a word in the last twenty minutes and that was worrying.

_Blankets, Hot tea... perhaps a sick bucket._

He made to move straight into the kitchen to get started on the tea, but Gin's quiet voice stopped him. Plaintive, deferential, questioning.  
"Aizen-sama?"

His breath threatened to catch in his throat when Gin finally spoke, and gods damn it his Gin sounded very small and very broken. And he braced for it.

Aizen turned to him his mind already flipping switches into crisis mode to focus on the tasks at hand, turn off emotions, get through the situation. If only to not have his heart cave in at the sight and sound of Gin's tears. He blinked. Willing himself to be calm, steady, stable. All the things Gin would need.

"Yes?" he asked.

. . .

Gin swallowed. He hadn't known what he was asking for when he'd spoken but with Aizen's full attention fixed on him and his every subtle movement, he quickly realised he needed to say something. To say anything. But he just couldn't stop shaking. He couldn't stop feeling soft and weak and pathetic and useless and, and, and-

Gin opened his mouth about to ask for something small. Something ordinary enough so that Aizen wouldn't worry. Perhaps a cup of tea. But "Can I-" was as far as he got before his voice cracked and the first sob escaped.

Oh hell. So much for being strong.

So much for staving off the tears.

So much for not being weak.

. . .

Images flashed through Aizen's mind, long buried images of another person, another life, an abandoned warehouse in a Rukon slum. He shook them off and Gin, shaking and crying on the couch swam back into focus. God it hurt to see him cry.

Breathe. He had to breathe. He was no good to anyone if he didn't breathe.

_Pathetic. Would you look at... _he tuned the nasty voice in his head out viciously and sat down next to Gin wrapping his arms around his moon. Broken now, shattered by his choices. He rubbed Gin's back, held him and waited for some indicator of what to do as Gin just broke down into bitter sobs over the life of a human being he didn't even know.

"It's alright," he said, as soothingly as he could. "It's alright, I've got you."

. . .

Gin's throat loosened just enough to let him breathe before a fresh round of keening began. Shit. This was not how this was supposed to go down _at __all_.

"'m sorry-" He choked out. Because he'd failed. Failed Aizen. Failed himself. Failed at everything. He didn't know why he even tried.

"I tried to-" he hiccuped. "Tried-"

But he was quickly quieted. "Shh, it's alright."

"But it ain't. It's-" Gin tried protesting, but another sob just cut him off.

Aizen held him tighter, "There's nothing to be sorry for..." he said gently. "It's normal."

Gin keened again. He had to tread carefully now, lest he reveal things that couldn't be revealed. He opened his mouth to ask why Gin'd done it, why he'd killed a man for him – didn't he know he didn't _need_ to? - but he refrained. That wasn't a question for now. Gin choked on another sob and it cut through his detachment for a moment. He nuzzled Gin in sympathy and moved a hand to softly stroke Gin's silver hair. The most soothing thing he could think of to do. Well, that and hold Gin very close and ignore the blood splattered on him. He'd have to get Gin cleaned and his clothes washed – but those things could wait. The emotional hurt needed tending first. No doubt Gin felt humiliated for breaking apart like this about it.

Gin sniffed, trying to ignore the snot running from his nose, and sank into those arms. Letting himself be nuzzled. Clinging to his sun.

"Ho-how's this normal?" He asked. Voice strained. "No' spposedta cry fer en-en'mies..." He sobbed again. More embarrassed and humiliated than anything else. He was glad Sousuke was here though. Now he realised trying to deal with this alone would've been a bad idea. He sniffed again, and just hoped Aizen wouldn't mind the snot on his clothes... or the blood.

Aizen sighed, "It..." he began, somewhat unsure of what to say. "Lots of people have trouble killing. It's an unnatural act." he said softly. Gin still in his arms. Still against his chest.

The voice in his head cackled in the background. Cursing him and Gin for weak naïve fools. God he hated that voice. But he ignored it. He pushed it aside and focused on what was important.

"You're being human and..." he continued, somewhat haltingly. But his voice was all gentleness. "And you never have to feel bad for that, not with me," he finished with a sense of brutal satisfaction at how angry the monster within him must be right now at his complete defiance of the rules pounded into him so long ago. He'd pay later but it'd be worth it if it calmed Gin down.

Gin sniffed again and realised he was clinging to the other man. When had that happened? Oh well, it didn't matter. At least the sobs had quieted down and the shaking had stopped. And his body wasn't so cold anymore.

"Re-really?" He whimpered. "I mean I killed before but not-" he paused, breathed. "But when they was tryin' ta kill me an' Ran..."

He released another sob, hoping it was his last, and nuzzled his face into Sousuke's chest. His hands had stopped shaking now, so that was good. And if Aizen was right about never having to pretend in front of him... well, that'd make all the difference in the world.

. . .

Aizen relaxed slightly as Gin stopped shaking. The fact that he had indeed killed before, Aizen hoped, would make things a bit easier for him. Not much, surely, but a bit. And that was better than nothing.

_You forget Sousuke, he has you to make it easier, too, _Kyouka told him gently. And he couldn't help but smile a little at that.

He looked back at Gin, who'd made no move to leave the relative safety of his arms. "You want some tea now?" he asked.

Gin nodded and sniffed.

"Will you be okay if I leave to make the tea?" Aizen asked. Gin nodded again. Still a little unsteady but at least the shaking and crying had stopped. He kissed Gin gently on the forehead.

"Alright. Go shower and get changed and get into bed. Borrow my clothes. I'll be back with the tea."

Gin nodded again slowly. "Kay."

Aizen got up and helped Gin stand. Then he watched Gin walk upstairs. Sending Kyouka to watch over him because he was still a little wary of leaving Gin alone. She took the form of a little butterfly and followed Gin up the stairs.

Once he heard the shower running, he sighed, relieved, and walked outside to smoke a cigarette while the kettle boiled for the tea.

_Crisis averted._

. . .

Once washed clean of the blood, snot, and god only knew what else, Gin crawled under the blankets wearing an old yukata of Sousuke's and shivered a little. Marvelling at how understanding his partner was being. Not that Aizen'd ever been particularly cruel to him, but he knew the man had little patience for weakness of any sort. He sniffled again and laughed darkly to himself.

_So much for impressin' 'im eh? __h_e asked Shinsou bitterly.

_Shit happens, _Shinsou said softly. _At least he's here for you._

Gin buried under the covers not really sure how to feel when Aizen returned carrying the tea.  
"I'm back." He announced himself, because the last thing Gin needed was another fright. He walked slowly into the room, placed Gin's tea on the bedside table and climbed into bed with him. Wrapping his arms around his poor shivering Gin. Gin sank gratefully into his body.

"It's not fair... I shouldn't feel this bad about killing an enemy." Gin tried to laugh and failed miserably.

"No it's not," Aizen replied pulling him closer "But it's good you feel this way. You wouldn't be you if you didn't."

"Will it get easier?" Gin asked almost inaudible.

"I hope not," Aizen said, and for once he was being utterly sincere. If he had his way Gin would never do something like that again.

Gin nodded subtly. Barely noticeable. He'd learned his lesson. He was glad Aizen wasn't demanding answers and lecturing him though, or asking him what on earth he'd been thinking. That for the moment Sousuke was all gentleness.

"C-can I sleep here t'night?" He choked out. "I don't wanna go home..."

Sousuke read that as 'I don't wanna be alone', which was just as true. But didn't mention that. He could read between the lines well enough.

"Of course," Sousuke answered. Giving him a gentle squeeze. And Gin wondered why he'd been so worried about the answer to that as relieved, he curled into those warm loving arms to sleep. Feeling, for the first time tonight, safe.

. . .

Aizen sighed softly as Gin slept, curled around him like an octopus. He lay awake watching him, as relief slowly washed through him and his body too, relaxed. The crisis had been averted. He hated to think what would have happened if he hadn't been here. It didn't bear thinking about. Instead, he just used his free hand to gently stroke the silver hair of his moon.

He'd wanted to protect Gin from this. Killing hollows was one thing, that was their job. You could switch off the part of the brain that knew they used to be human beings because they looked like monsters now. But killing another human being... well that was something else entirely. The person you kill never leaves you. Not really. They'd visit in nightmares, or appear in your field of vision if something sparked a memory. But he knew from experience the nightmares were the worst.

Gin's nightmares would be awful, as his own were, but there was nothing he could do about them. All he could do was be there when Gin woke up with a scream in his lungs.

_I wish I could have stopped you, _he thought bitterly. _I wish I could have protected you. I may not have had a choice, but you did. I should have watched you more closely._

_You can't protect him forever, Sousuke. _Kyouka said softly.

_I know. _He answered. _I know, but I'd hoped._

_I'd hoped he wouldn't repeat my mistakes._

He felt her nod, understanding, and was grateful she didn't say anything more. He knew as well as she did that after today, his Gin wouldn't be the same again. That tonight the bulk of the softness in his Gin died with the man he'd killed. Whatever softness remained now would retreat inwards, be very fiercely guarded, and shown only to a trusted few after tonight.

Sousuke just hoped he'd be one of those few.

_Oh don't be stupid, _Kyouka said softly. _Of course you will._

He smiled, realised she was right (again), and kissed Gin's forehead. Deciding to enjoy this moment for a little while longer before joining Gin in sleep, too.

_Of course. _He thought back. _You're right._


End file.
